Behind The Scenes At The Muppet Theatre
by Lil' Fizz
Summary: Story 2. Kermit and Miss Piggy's two children, Axel and Jasmine have been set a school project to make a presentation about their home. But instead of making a PowerPoint or a boring old booklet, they decided to grab a camera and make a film of it! Prepare to see the Muppet Theatre like you've never seen it before, through the eyes of two excitable, boisterous children!
1. Introduction

**A brand new fanfic! :O Whatever will this one be about? Well, a while ago, I invented two children for Kermit and Miss Piggy, Jasmine and Axel, but I couldn't think of a story for them in AGES until last night at 9:10pm, I suddenly had the most genius idea...that I'm not going to tell you! :P I'll let them introduce themselves. Enjoy!**

**Thanks to Jacqueline Wilson for giving me the idea for how to set out this chapter. The rest off it will be in play format, but for this chapter and this chapter only, Jasmine and Axel are writing it, Jasmine is in italics and Axel is normal so you don't get confused.**

_My name's Jasmine_

And I'm Axel

_I'm 9 and he's 13. We're brother and sister, could you tell? We've been asked-_

Well, we've been _made _to, homework isn't optional

_Yes, I know. We've been made to make some sort of presentation of what our home is like. And we thought, instead of making a PowerPoint or a boring old booklet like everybody else would, we would get a video camera and make a video! So that's what we're doing, we're going to go around and say hi to everyone and film them._

The only thing is...our home is far from ordinary. We live at the Muppet Theatre.

_Yep, Kermit's our dad and Miss Piggy's our mum._

Are you surprised? We were! We've seen every single Muppet movie loads of times and know exactly what Mum and Dad were like before we were born and I honestly thought they would NEVER get together.

_Me too. But they did, and soon we were born and there were two new members to the Muppet family._

Oh there you go with the whole _family_ thing again.

_What?_

It's cheesy.

_Well tough, I'm a muppet, I _like _cheesy._

_I _don't and I'm a Muppet. Jasmine's a real muppet nerd.

_Hey!...Well I suppose I _am _a little, but the Muppets are awesome! Anyway, I'm digressing, the point is, this is our life. I guess we'd better introduce ourselves._

OK! If there's any way to stand out from a crowd of classmates, it's to make yourself known.

_Well, where do I start? Axel is the older, loud, confident boisterous one who always gets into trouble._

Hey! That's not fair, _I _wanted to introduce me!

_You mean '_myself'

Whatever. Well I'm a pig; (Jasmine's a frog by the way) I've got blond hair and green eyes. I'm always getting into scrapes so my clothes are usually torn and dirty. A lot of people say I'm like my mum, but I don't think-

_You _so _are. And not just because you're a pig. You have _such_ a temper._

No I don't!

_And you can be really full of yourself, and-_

You realise that the more you insult me, the more you're insulting Mum.

_Ah. Sorry. I'll get on with introducing _me _shall I?_

Yes

_OK. Well, I'm Jasmine, as you know, I'm a 9 year old frog and I broke records by being the first ever frog with coloured eyes. They're bright blue, like my mum's. I'm such a daddy's girl and proud of it too. I'm much quieter than Axel as well and I'm very bookish. While Axel runs around loudly cheeking everyone in sight, I'm more likely hidden away somewhere with a book. They're my guilty pleasure, I zoom through them much to Axel's disgust._

I'm disgusted _now_. Look, you're not writing any of that book rubbish. Get on with our life.

_Alright, alright. Well, I'm very into that cheesy Muppet stuff. I adore making cheesy speeches._

You would, daddy's-girl.

_Shut up. And I like the idea of us Muppets all being one big Muppet family._

Shall we start interviewing then?

_OK. Let's go!_


	2. Rowlf the Dog

**Hello everyone! So all the chapters (except the last one) will be in play format. Also, the Muppets in this are in no particular order, just the order that looked right.**

**_Rowlf _**_is playing his piano in his dressing room. __**Axel **__and __**Jasmine**__ peer through the crack in the door. They do not make any noise however, __**Rowlf **__hears them immediately._

Rowlf: Yes?

Jasmine: Hiya, Rowlf.

[**_Jasmine _**_and __**Axel **__enter the room_]

Axel: Are you busy?

Rowlf: Well... [_The piano music stops_] I was practicing but, what can I do you for?

Jasmine: Well we're doing this project for school you see and we were wondering...could we interview you?

Rowlf: Interview? I guess so. Wouldn't you wanna see the boss instead? [_referring to __**Kermit**_]

Axel: Yeah, why aren't we interviewing Mum or Dad first?

Jasmine: Patience, Axel. I've got it all planned out. [_she taps a piece of paper_] So Rowlf, [_she turns to __**Rowlf**_] what is your role in the Muppets?

Rowlf: Well, I'm a pianist. That means someone who plays piano. I haven't got a very important role or anything backstage, and I've tried countless times to get into the band, Electric Mayhem, but I'm always declined because I'm not 'cool' enough.

Jasmine: Aww. That's sad. I think you're cool Rowlf!

Rowlf: Well thank you.

Axel: So Rowlf, you're the first person we've interviewed so far so we just want to know, what is it like to be a Muppet?

Rowlf: Well, I can tell you one thing, it's extremely random. Performing alongside nutters like Fozzie and Gonzo, sometimes I honestly feel like I'm the only sane one here.

Axel: I know how you feel.

Jasmine: So on a different note; you played the part of Dr Bob on Vetenerian's hospital in the Muppet Show didn't you? But you're not actually a doctor are you?

Rowlf: No. And a good thing too! All Dr Bob ever did was sit around and tell jokes!

Jasmine: Yeah, I remember that. And one final question, do you ever feel like no-one really takes you seriously because you're a dog?

Rowlf: Not really. I used to get that with humans, but here at the Muppet Theatre, I'm working alongside frogs, pigs and bears so I'm not exactly disadvantaged.

Axel: Thanks Rowlf, we're finished now.

Rowlf: OK, bye.

**Sorry that was kinda boring; it's just that it's hard to find inspiration from such a boring guy (no offence Rowlf). But I will try to make the next chapter funnier than this one.**

**Peace!**


	3. Fozzie Bear

**_Jasmine, Axel _**_and __**Fozzie **__are in Fozzie's dressing room. __**Axel **__is setting up the camera, __**Fozzie **__is smoothing down his fur and __**Jasmine **__is telling him not to get too excited because it's just a homework project._

Fozzie: So, what is this for again?

Axel: This is our homework project. We're just going to give you a quick interview.

Fozzie: OK. Hey, did you hear the joke about the jam?

Jasmine: No jokes please, Fozzie

Fozzie: Alright, I won't tell you, you'll only spread it!

[**_Jasmine _**_and __**Axel **__groan_]

Axel: Camera's rolling.

Fozzie: Oh, great! How do I look? [_He peers into the camera, a banana in one hand and a rubber chicken in the other_]

Jasmine: You really do love the limelight, don't you?

Fozzie: Oh yeah, it's brilliant! I was born into showbiz and I always had dreams of becoming a comedian, but no-one, not even my own mum thought I could do it. Until I met Mr. Kermit, your dad, and that was when my career started.

Jasmine: That's very sweet. So you're a comedian, but what is your role behind the scenes?

Fozzie: Well I like to think I'm quite important because I'm Kermit's best friend. Do you remember that time when he was off sick, so he put me in charge of the show? That was brilliant. It really showed his trust in me.

Axel: Either that or he'd lost his mind.

Fozzie: Hey! Don't you think I get enough of that already?

Jasmine: So, anyway, Fozzie. If you're Dad's best friend that means you're kind of like an uncle to us. Can we call you Uncle Fozzie?

[**_Axel _**_makes a disgusted sound but __**Jasmine **__and __**Fozzie **__ignore it_]

Fozzie: Sure! Hey, did you hear about Vincent Van Gough's magician uncle? He was called Wherediddy Gough! Ahhhhh! Wocka, Wocka!

[**_Axel _**_and __**Jasmine **__look at each other and sigh_]

Axel: Well, we'd better stop here before you tell anymore rubbish jokes.

Fozzie: Can't I tell you the joke about the broken bicycle?

Jasmine: No, please don't!

Fozzie: Alright, alright, it doesn't go anywhere!

[**_Axel _**_turns the camera off_]

Fozzie: No, no, no wait! I didn't tell the one about the monkey and the-

**Sorry for the abrupt end but I thought it would be funny.**


	4. Scooter

**In dedication to a guest called Dardra because I was going to give this fanfiction up until she reviewed me and said that it was good. Thank you!**

**_Scooter _**_is sitting at his desk giving orders to a rat, __**Jasmine **__and __**Axel **__walk up to him._

Scooter: [_To the rat_] Yep, milk and two sugars please. And be quick about it.

Axel: Scooter! Hey buddy.

Scooter: Oh, hiya kids. You know, when I was employed here as a gofer, I never imagined that I'd have other people fetching stuff for me.

Jasmine: That's Rizzo. You know, the rat guy. Dad would kill you if he found out what you're doing.

Scooter: Oh... [_He looks regretful, __**Axel **__grins at him_]

Axel: Hey, don't worry. We're not snitches.

Scooter: [_Looks relieved_] Thanks guys. So, what did you come here for?

Jasmine: Well we're doing this project for school and we were wondering...could we interview you?

Scooter: Sure!

Jasmine: OK, so, first question: What is your role in the Muppets?

Scooter: Well, I was the gofer when I first started as a teen, I would run around fetching things and doing errands for people. But after I was a bit older, I got promoted to a secretary and basically, Kermit's second-in-command. He relied on me_ a lot_.

Axel: So that's your job, what's your role as a _character_?

Scooter: Well, when I first started, my uncle owned the whole theatre, so I guess you could say that I was the spoilt one of the group.

Jasmine: Why?

Scooter: Well, Kermit didn't think much of me at first, but I only had to play the U-card and I got whatever I wanted.

Axel: The U-card?

[**_Jasmine _**_and __**Scooter **__look at him like he's stupid_]

Axel: What?

Jasmine: One last question. So you're normal,

Scooter: I hope so

Jasmine: Do you enjoy working with loads of weirdos?

Scooter: Oh yeah! It's great fun! When I was a kid I always imagined myself stuck in a boring old office job. I didn't even know places like this existed, but once I'd discovered that work could be fun, well it was just brilliant.

Jasmine: Never a dull moment in the Muppet Theatre, right?

Scooter: Definitely!

Axel: [grumbles] And don't we know it.

[**_Jasmine _**_sighs_]

Jasmine: Downer. [_To __**Scooter**_] Well, we'd better be going. See you.

Scooter: Bye, kids.


	5. Walter

**_Walter _**_is sitting at his desk on a laptop giggling and typing things. __**Jasmine **__thinks he is busy so she turns to go. __**Axel **__stops her and walks inside._

Jasmine: What are you doing?

[**_Walter _**_looks around_]

Walter: Oh hey, I'm just talking to Gary.

Axel: Can we borrow you for a minute?

Jasmine: No, Axel! He's busy.

Walter: Oh, no, that's fine. [_He types something into his computer and shuts the lid_] So what's up?

Axel: Well we've got this homework, see.

Walter: Oh yeah?

Jasmine: Yep, and we were wondering if we could interview you?

Walter: Interview? For _homework_?

Jasmine: [_nods_] It's a presentation of our home.

Axel: So naturally, we want to show them the madness that goes on in this place.

Walter: I see…have you been to see Gonzo yet?

Jasmine: Not yet, it's all planned out you see. So we just have some questions for you. First question, we all know what happened with you and your brother Gary when you joined the Muppets **(seriously, if you haven't seen that film…what are you doing? Go watch it, now!) **but we were wondering…what do you think you would have done as a job if you hadn't become a Muppet?

Walter: [_looks thoughtful_] I don't know. I don't suppose a professional whistler counts as a job, does it?

Axel: No.

[**_Axel _**_gets a sharp dig in the ribs from __**Jasmine**_]

Walter: Well, since Gary and Mary were both teachers, everyone expected me to grow up to be one too. I didn't like the sound of that. I wanted to grow up and have an impact on the world, to be remembered, and not just as Gary's brother like I always was.

Jasmine: That's sweet. Why did you join the Muppets in the first place? I know you helped them get their theatre back, but didn't you always want to be on the Muppets since you were a kid? Why was that?

Walter: [_nods_] Ever since I was twelve.

Axel: Sounds like a nuts dream to me. If you ask me, all these Muppets drive me up the wall. Especially _this_ one.

[_He nudges __**Jasmine**__. She gives him a shove_]

Walter: Oh, Axel, you can't mean that! The Muppets are amazing! Besides, like you said, they're your family; you'll miss them when they're gone. The reason _I_ always wanted to join the Muppets was because as a kid I always felt left out because I looked different to anyone else. The only other people I'd seen that look like me were the Muppets, so I hoped that if I joined them, I'd feel a sense of belonging.

Axel: You too huh? I get teased really badly at school because I'm half pig half frog and my sister's a different species to me.

Jasmine: [_huffily_] What's wrong with frogs?

Axel [_shrugs_] Ask _them _not me.

Jasmine: Fine. Anyway, [_turns back to **Walter**_] you say the Muppets are like a family, do you ever miss your _first_ family?

Walter: A bit. But it's worth it to be here, having all these crazy adventures and finally making an impact on the world!

Axel: So what's your role in the Muppets?

Walter: Well, I'm the newbie here, for obvious reasons. A lot of people thought I was cowardly at first because I'm pretty awkward, but that's nothing of the case, I will face up to danger if necessary to save my friends from whatever scraps they get into.

Jasmine: So are you on good terms with all of the Muppets?

Walter: I think so. Kermit and I are great mates, considering I practically fainted when I first met him.

Jasmine: Not practically, completely.

Axel: And boy, was it funny!

[**_Axel _**_starts laughing madly. __**Jasmine **__tries to shut him up but to no prevail_]

Jasmine: [_sighs_] Sorry about him. I guess we'd better get moving, but before we go, can we ask a favour?

Walter: Sure.

Jasmine: Can you show us your famous whistling?

[**_Axel _**_manages to stop laughing just in time to hear __**Walter **__whistle a sad tune_]

Axel: That's nice, but you know what we want to hear!

[**_Walter _**_grins and starts whistling The Muppet Show theme. __**Jasmine **__and __**Axel **__start dancing_]


	6. Robin the Frog

**OK, so there are some things I need to clear up before I start this chapter. Firstly, this fanfic is set a few decades (a decade is 10 years BTW) in the future so all the Muppets are a little older than they were in the movies and TV series. Normally this wouldn't be a problem but Robin is a kid so he changes ****_a lot. _****In this, he is 19 as apposed to usually he is around eight-ish and I ****_sort of _****turned him into a gangster…Also, the back-story for Robin is completely made up, there is no truth in it whatsoever so PLEASE don't use this fanfiction as a means of information because…well…it's FANFICTION!**

**_Jasmine _**_and __**Axel **__are walking down the corridor. __**Jasmine **__is reading from a piece of paper and ticking things off._

Jasmine: Rowlf, tick. Fozzie, tick. Scooter, tick. Walter, tick. So, [_To __**Axel**_] next up is…

[_Before __**Jasmine **__can finish, she and __**Axel **__accidently bump into __**Robin**_]

Axel: Sorry, mate [_He stops when he realises who it is and turns around_] oh, hey, Robin!

Robin: Hiya Axel, mate.

[_They fist-pump. __**Jasmine **__cowers behind __**Axel**_]

Jasmine: Hey, wait! Robin, you're not on the list, we could interview you!

Robin: [_puts his head on one side_] Interview? How come? Are we on another show now? Like, a documentary?

Axel: Nah, don't worry mate, it's just homework.

Robin: Homework? Weird homework if you ask me.

Axel: It's a presentation of our home.

Robin: Fair enough, so what's the first question?

Axel: [_shrugs_] I don't know. [_He nudges his sister_] Jasmine, you're the organised one.

Jasmine: [_stutters a little, thinks for a while_] Oh, uhh…oh yes! So the last time we saw you, you were…?

Robin: Eight

Jasmine: And now?

Robin: I'm nineteen.

Jasmine: Big age gap. How do you think you've changed in that time?

Robin: Oh, a ton. Before, I was an annoying little kid, only there because of my cuteness. But now I've grown up, I'm almost an adult now, much cooler, not whiney anymore.

Axel: You bet.

Jasmine: Alright, moving on, you're what relation to us?

Robin: I'm your cousin. Your dad is my uncle.

Axel: And you've always lived here, right? With our dad.

Robin [_nods_] Mmm.

Axel: Why is that?

Jasmine: Axel! Don't be nosy!

Axel: I'm just asking, where are your parents? You've never told us, you've never told anyone.

Robin: [_sighs_] You want to know, I'll tell you. I don't have a mum; she died when I was born. My dad – Michael the Frog - was a very eccentric person, almost crazy. He wasn't mean or anything, but he used to do some nutty stuff. He was an inventor, you see, and I didn't think much of his ideas. So to get away from him constantly blowing up the apartment, guess where I'd go.

Jasmine: The Muppet Theatre?

Robin: Exactly. I loved it here with my uncle and all my friends. Life wasn't perfect, but it was pretty fun. Until…

Axel: Until?

Robin: Dad met _Ivy _[_says her name with disgust_].

Jasmine: Ivy?

Robin: Dad's new girlfriend. You know how ivy the plant has a habit of taking everything over?

[**_Axel _**_and __**Jasmine**_ _nod_]

Robin: Well Dad's new girlfriend certainly did that. Within a few _weeks _she had plans for us all to go live in Britain.

Jasmine and Axel: [_in _unison] Britain?

Jasmine: Did you go?

Robin: Are you kidding? Leave the only place I felt at home to go live with my useless excuse for a dad and his prize cow girlfriend? No way. I went on protest. Do you know what I did? I sat in the Muppet Theatre, refusing to budge until Dad gave up his plans and stayed. But do you know what the stupid berk did? He went without me!

Axel: No way!

Robin: Yes way. He gave Uncle Kermit a piece of paper with his address and telephone on and said 'Look after my boy until I get back, will ya, Kermit?' And guess what?

Jasmine: What?

Robin: He never came back.

Axel: Oh, wow. [_mutters_] Jerk

Jasmine: Were you upset that he'd left you?

Robin: I was at first. I was so shocked that he just up and left me like that, that I yelled and screamed at him not to go, but he said 'Do you want to come then, son? To your new life in Britain?' and of course I had to refuse because although it took me a while to realise, it's better to be here, with people who care about you. Real family isn't about blood relatives and ancestry websites, it's about people who care and will put in the time to look after you no matter what. You guys don't know how lucky you are, your dad is the most amazing person I know. And although I miss my dad a lot, at the end of the day… I'm kind of glad he walked out on me because it showed me what I needed to know.

Axel: Yuck.

Jasmine: You just _had _to ruin the moment, didn't you? [_To __**Robin**_] Well, that story was very touching and very long too, I'm not sure we have any time for any more questions. Is there anything else you want to say?

Robin: Yeah, [_To camera_] Know who you can trust, whoever they might be because you never know when you might need them.

**Aww, how sweet. See you soon guys. Peace!**


	7. The Great Gonzo

**I think that I've been writing too much deep stuff this week, so I'm going to lighten the mood with a really funny chapter of this. And you know what that means…!**

**_Jasmine _**_and __**Axel **__are stood outside __**Gonzo's **__door. __**Jasmine **__knocks._

Jasmine: Gonzo? Are you in there?

Gonzo: Who is it?

Axel: It's us, Jasmine and Axel.

Jasmine: Can we come in?

Gonzo: Yeah, just give me a minute.

_They wait. Suddenly, there is a huge BANG noise and __**Jasmine**__ bursts into the room followed by __**Axel**__. Inside they see __**Gonzo **__face-first in a painting. There is a canon behind him which suggests that he fired himself out of it._

Jasmine: Oh, Gonzo, what have you done _now_?

Gonzo: [_muffled_] Nothing, I just fired myself out of a canon into a painting.

Axel: Again?

Jasmine: Well, we've got a favour to ask, so how about this, if we get you out of that painting, will you let us interview you?

Gonzo: Interview me? Sure, I guess. As my old dad used to say, agree now ask questions later!

Jasmine: I thought you didn't know your family, Gonzo?

[_She pulls him out of the painting and he lands in a heap on the carpet_]

Gonzo: No, I lied for a joke. It's what I _imagine _he'd say, if I knew him.

Jasmine: So you had no parents?

Gonzo: Nope

Jasmine: No family at all?

Gonzo: No

Axel: Did you ever wish you did?

Gonzo: Are you kidding? I'm the only person I've ever met who is the same species as me! I _needed _to know who my family were.

**(This subject has been abandoned due to fact that I haven't seen Gonzo's movie ****_Muppets from Space_** **I think I will just make up a back-story for him like I did with Robin)**

Gonzo: I was left in a basket outside Nanny's place with nothing but a piece of paper saying my name.

Jasmine: Aww, do you ever think that that poor start to life changed you in any way?

Gonzo: Not really, I know I'm weird but I suppose I would still be weird even if I _had _a family. Anyway, it doesn't matter to me; you Muppets are my family now.

Jasmine: Cute.

Axel: Too cute, yuck. Let's change the subject to something different. [_To __**Gonzo**_] So you are easily the weirdest Muppet there is here.

Gonzo: Thanks!

Axel: [_looks taken aback_] Is there a reason why you're so weird all the time?

Gonzo: It's fun!

Jasmine: Well we know that, but firing yourself out of a canon into a painting? Balancing a piano on one hand? Riding that motorcycle of yours over someone's head? Eating a tire?

Gonzo: To the music of _The Flight of the Bumblebee!_

[**_Jasmine _**_gives him a questioning look_]

Gonzo: I find that life is too short to be bored, so I make sure everything I do is hilariously random and entertaining. Also, it links back to me having no family. You see, when you start life as an orphan, you're certain that you're not going to do anything important with your life. You have no family, so you're a nobody, a nothing. But I can be as determined as your mum sometimes; I wasn't going to let that define me! The image of you is an empty canvas and it's your duty to paint what image you want before someone else does it for you. I wanted to be famous and for being weird. That's my dream and I've always dreamed it ever since the beginning and now, I think it has come true.

Jasmine: There! I knew we could get an inspiring speech out of you! Is there anything you want to add?

Axel: [_interrupts, putting his face in front of the camera_] Yes, this is Axel saying that if I hear one more disgusting family speech, I'll throw up!


	8. Animal and The Swedish Chef

Jasmine: OK, bro, I had a feeling I'd regret letting _you _choose who to interview next but I'm willing to give your choice a go.

Axel: Great, well it's just through here.

[_He opens a door to a dressing room. The room is very messy with scuffed walls and clothes everywhere. Sitting behind a drum set is __**Animal**_]

Jasmine: [_stares at __**Axel**__ then at__** Animal**__, then back at__** Axel**_] Animal?_ Animal_! You could have picked _anyone_ in this _entire_ establishment! You could have picked Mum or Dad or-**(OK! Going to stop there to avoid spoilers to later chapters!)** but you picked _Animal_! In case your immensely dense brain hadn't noticed, Animal can _barely speak_! And even when he does, he never says anything of any importance! God, you're _so_ stupid sometimes.

Axel: Well…I thought…

Jasmine: That's the last time I trust you with anything.

Axel: Well, while we're here, we might as well _try _interviewing him.

Jasmine: Oh, alright, though if anything goes wrong I'm blaming you.

Axel: Suit yourself. [_He walks over to __**Animal**_] So, Animal,

Animal: Animal!

Axel: You're the drummer in the Muppets aren't you?

Animal: Drums! DRUMS!

Jasmine: Didn't Dad already try to interview Animal while back on the show?

Axel: Did he? What happened?

Jasmine: He got used as a drum kit

Axel: You don't mean…? [_He mimes hitting her on the head with drumsticks_]

Jasmine: You got it pal.

Axel: Well, in that case… [_He looks at __**Animal**__, then at __**Jasmine**__, then back at __**Animal**_] Let's get out of here!

[_Outside_]

Jasmine: I mean it! I'm never trusting you again! We almost got bashed to pieces alone in a room with him!

Axel: Oh, pleeeeeeeease sis? Give me another chance!

Jasmine: No way pal.

Axel: Pleeeeeeeease? I won't muck up this time, I promise!

Jasmine: Oh, alright. But make sure it's good otherwise you're for it. And most of all, make sure it's someone who _talks_!

[**_Jasmine _**_and __**Axel **__are inside the Muppet Kitchen with the __**Swedish Chef**_]

Swedish Chef: Hurgy burgy schmergy! Der piggen und der froggen! Dain interview!

Jasmine: That's it! I give up! Good grief, you're dumber than Link Hogthrob!

Axel: I'm sorry sis, give me another chance!

Jasmine: Nope! You _had _another chance and you _blew_ it! With…this thing! I told you to find someone who talks, that's what I said! Isn't that what I said?

Axel: [_sighing_] Yeah

Jasmine: And who did you pick? WHO DID YOU PICK? I don't even want to _look _at you right now, you're sooooo DUMB! God!

[_She marches off_]

Axel: Wait, where are you going?

Jasmine: I'm off to find someone _sensible _to interview!

**Please don't be shocked, it's meant to be funny. Laugh it up pals.**


	9. Sam the Eagle

**Hiya guys, I'm aware that any of you who have read my recent fanfic won't be able to take this seriously, but please keep in mind that this fanfic takes place four years before the one I've just written with Sapphire in it so that's why Axel acts differently towards Sam in this one. I actually wrote this chapter a while ago but am only uploading it now because I've edited it. Sapphire is mentioned in this but I won't spoil anything (for once!)**

**_Sam _**_is sitting at his desk doing unknown, boring stuff. __**Axel **__and __**Jasmine **__walk up to his desk and stand looking expectant at him._

Axel: Sam?

[_No reply_]

Jasmine: Sam, we need to talk to you.

[_Still no reply. __**Sam**__ doesn't react_]

Jasmine and Axel: Saaaaaam? Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, Sam, S-

Sam: [_snaps_] What?

Jasmine: Can we interview you?

Sam: Interview? No, I don't think so.

Axel: Oh, pleeeeeeeease, Sam!

Jasmine: Please, please?

Sam: It would be undignified and unpatriotic.

Jasmine: Oh, go on, Sam!

Sam: I _would_ if you two weren't stupid, unimportant school-children.

Jasmine: How dare you! I'm important! I'm Kermit the Frog's daughter!

[**_Sam _**_looks unimpressed_]

Axel: Pleeease let us interview you, Sam!

Jasmine and Axel: Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease!

Sam: ALRIGHT! Alright, if you stop bothering me!

Jasmine and Axel: Yay! [_High-five_]

Sam: This'd better be quick; I have a lot to do.

Axel: It'll be quick anyway; we spent so much time begging you to let us interview you!

Jasmine: Huh. Well firstly, what is it like being a Muppet?

Sam: What? I'm not a Muppet! You don't seriously think that someone of my high status would-

Axel: Oh, shut up with your boring old patriotism, Sam.

Jasmine: Quite. So, if you're not a Muppet, what is your opinion on the oth- I mean, on the Muppets?

Sam: To be frankly honest, I think they're ridiculous.

Jasmine: What, all of them? Not just Gonzo?

Sam: No every single one. And yes, before you even ask, you two as well. In fact, at this current moment in time, you are, in my opinion, the most annoying in the whole theatre establishment.

Axel: [_speechless, looks thunderstruck_]

Jasmine: Right, well, moving swiftly on-

Axel: [_interrupts_] Actually Jasmine, I have a question for Sam. [_To __**S **_am] If you hate it so much here, and you think everyone's so annoying, why are you still here? Why don't you just shove off?

Sam: [_shrugs_] I need the money to support my family.

Jasmine: You have a family?

Sam: Yes.

Jasmine: A wife?

Sam: Yes.

Axel: Children?

Sam: A little girl, yes.

Axel: How come you've never told anyone?

Sam: I don't have to tell everyone my life story, do I? I think it's none of your business.

Jasmine: Well tough! We're journalists now; it's our job to stick our noses into other people's business!

[**_Axel _**_and __**Jasmine**__ laugh. __**Sam **__gets up and leaves_]

Jasmine: Hey, where are you going?

Sam: I've had enough of this foolishness, I'm off.

Jasmine: Aww, come on Sam!

[_No reply_]

Axel: Well, he wasn't much fun.

Jasmine: Yeah, let's go find someone more interesting to interview.


	10. The Electric Mayhem

**Morning! Just warning you, this chapter might not be as good as the others because I'm not a huge fan of The Electric Mayhem but I know that some of you lot love them so I'm going to put them in here so that no-one gets mad.**

**_Dr Teeth_**_,__** Floyd**__,__** Zoot**__,__** Lips **__and__** Janice **__are practicing very loudly. __**Animal **__is fast asleep on his drums. __**Axel **__and __**Jasmine **__approach, hands over their ears._

Axel: [_shouts over the noise_] Maybe we should come back later; these guys are making an atrocious amount of noise!

Jasmine: [_shouts over the noise_] No, we have to, I've got a set order. It's fine; we'll just quieten them like this! QUIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!

[_The music stops. __**Animal **__wakes up and starts yelling_]

Animal: Silence! Too much silence! Why everyone stop?!

Axel: What's his beef?

Floyd: He was trying to sleep, and you kids woke him up.

Jasmine: How does that work? _You_ were the ones making that racket.

Dr Teeth: He's a musician. He sleeps like a baby with rock music going on, but if you turn it off, he'll wake up.

Floyd: Speaking of, why is he sleeping during practice? [_To __**Animal**_] Hey, Animal! You can't keep sleeping on the job, man!

Animal: Sorry.

Janice: What do you kids want? You're interrupting our jam session!

Jasmine: Hey! Less of the '_kids_'!

Axel: But Jas, we _are _kids.

Jasmine: I know that! [_To __**The Electric Mayhem**_] We're here to interview you!

Dr Teeth: Interview? [_shrugs_] I guess so.

Floyd: Yeah, and then we can lie! My name's Bobbie and I play…the violin!

[**_Axel _**_sighs_]

Jasmine: Actually, it's for our homework, and I'm sure that our teacher wouldn't be very happy if you all lied.

Floyd: Oh, fine

Jasmine: Great. So, all jokes and lies aside, can you all introduce yourselves to the camera please?

Dr Teeth: Sure, I'm Dr Teeth and I play the piano.

Floyd: Yo, I'm Floyd Pepper and I play the bass. [_plays a few notes on his bass_]

Animal: Animal! Drums! DRUMS!

Janice: I'm Janice and I play the guitar.

Zoot: I'm Zoot, and I play the sax.

Jasmine: And…? [_looks expectantly at __**Lips**_]

Floyd: That's Lips, he can't talk.

Axel: Really?

Floyd: Really. He plays the trumpet.

Jasmine: Right, well that's everyone. You are the Muppets' band?

Dr Teeth: Yep.

Animal: Band! Band!

Jasmine: So, do you enjoy working with the Muppets?

Dr Teeth: It's alright.

Zoot: Better than busking.

Floyd: [_shakes his head_] Nah, I don't like it.

Jasmine: Why not?

Floyd: Well, everyone's so crazy all the time; I wish they'd just cool it.

Janice: Yeah, not to mention all the mad adventures we get tangled in.

Axel: I know, right?

Jasmine: It's fun _some _of the time though! Remember when you first met, and you were playing in a church. And then later on, you saved them in your tour bus when their car broke down in the middle of no-where.

**(Spoilers! Was I too late?)**

Floyd: How do you know about all that? You weren't born then.

Jasmine: I watched the movie.

Floyd: Ah.

Dr Teeth: Good times.

Axel: So, we know how you lot met the Muppets, but how did you guys meet _each other_?

Dr Teeth: We went to school together.

Jasmine: Really?

Floyd: Yeah, we were in the school band. Everyone kept wanting us to play quieter, but we just got louder and louder!

Animal: LOUD!

Floyd: None of the teachers liked us. I was told I was wasting my time with my music and should '_knuckle down on other subjects_'.

Janice: They said I had '_wasted potential_'

Dr Teeth: Apparently I wasn't trying hard enough.

Animal: Speech impede- imped- Speech problem!

Zoot: I had confidence issues apparently. They said I let people walk over me and-

Floyd: [_interrupts_] Say his words for him.

[**_Zoot _**_looks daggers at __**Floyd**_]

Jasmine: So, no-one believed in your musical talents?

Dr Teeth: Nope. We were all set to become famous musicians, and rock the world with our epicness, but everyone thought we were joking.

Floyd: We were kind of like the underdogs. No-one thought we could make it to fame, and now look at us!

Jasmine: I suppose that's what being a Muppet is all about. We're just animals, just little people with nothing but determination and a dream. And yet, we-

Axel: Please don't say you're going to teach us all a moral lesson and drag it out longer than four minutes.

Jasmine: [_huffs_] You're no fun, Axel. Alright, I won't tell my speech, I just think that The Electric Mayhem is a good example of the Muppets' pluck and determination because they pulled through despite everyone's denial.

Axel: Can't argue with that.

**Ladies and Gentlemen and fellow internet nerds, I have an announcement. I have decided that all of my fanfictions will become a series, because many of my OCs have become like proper Muppets to me, so they're going to be in my fanfics too! The first in the series is ****_Jinx_****, then this one, ****_Behind the Scenes at the Muppet Theatre_****, then ****_A Long Way Away_****, then ****_What's Changed?_**** and finally, my new one, ****_Alex the Cheetah_****. You don't have to read them in that order, but it helps to understand the characters. Characters that aren't real Muppets, but will be included in my fanfics include:**

**Jasmine**

**Axel**

**Jinx**

**Ebony**

**Hazel**

**Alex**

**And Sapphire**


	11. Bunsen and Beaker

**Yaaay. (Sarcastic) Believe it or not, I've actually put off doing this fanfic because I had absolutely no idea what to put for this chapter. But I watched some ****_Muppet Labs_**** to remind myself of the LOLs and here I am, making it up as I go along. Wish me luck!**

[**_Jasmine _**_and __**Axel **__are inside Muppet Labs with __**Bunsen **__and __**Beaker**__. __**Jasmine **__appears nervous_]

Jasmine: Are you sure about this? A lot of crazy things happen here in Muppet Labs.

Axel: Well, we can back out now if you want.

[**_Jasmine_**_ thinks for a while, then shakes her head_]

Jasmine: No, it's important we get everybody, and we might as well get it over with.

[_They both walk up to __**Bunsen **__and __**Beaker **__.__**Bunsen **__is tampering with a machine and __**Beaker**__ is inspecting some pills but not daring to take any_]

Jasmine: Hiya Bunsen, Beaker.

Bunsen: Huh? [_He looks up and sees the two children_] Oh! Hello there.

Beaker: Mee, meep.

Axel: Hey, what're you doing?

Bunsen: Oh, Beaker and I were just testing my latest invention, Buff Pills!

Jasmine: _Buff_ pills?

Bunsen: Yes. They give you huge muscles, and make you appear strong and buff. So if you're ever teased for being a weakling, take these pills and your problems are no more!

Axel: I'm in!

[_He reaches for a pill, but __**Jasmine**__ slaps his hand away_]

Jasmine: Not so fast, you.

Axel: Aww, man. Why not?

Bunsen: Your sister's right, Axel. These pills haven't been tested and could have dangerous consequences.

Axel: I'll test them for you!

Jasmine: [_sighs and rolls her eyes_] My brother, the guinea pig. [_To __**Axel**_] Maybe afterwards, but first we have something to do.

Axel: Ah, yes! [_To __**Bunsen**__ and __**Beaker**_] We're here to interview you!

Bunsen: Interview? Oh I say, what for?

Jasmine: Homework. Presentation of our home. Let's get started! So, your names are…?

Bunsen: Well, I'm Dr Bunsen Honeydew, and this is my eager assistant, Beaker.

Beaker: Mee mee, meep.

Jasmine: And you're scientists, right?

Bunsen: Indeed. We tried to become real inventors in a proper lab, but we kept getting rejected.

Jasmine: Gee, I wonder why.

Axel: I heard somewhere that your inventions never work. Is that true?

Beaker [_nods frantically_] Mee, meep!

Bunsen: Certainly not! They don't _not work_; they just don't always go to plan.

Axel: …right. But if your inventions keep…uhh…not working, why don't you give up and try something else?

Beaker: Meep!

Bunsen: Quiet Beaker. Anyway, give up science? Are you mad? That's Beaker's and my dream! Our love!

Beaker [_shakes his head_] Uh-uh!

Axel: Okaaaay.

Jasmine: You guys are nutters. If I had my way, I'd leave right now.

[_There is an awkward silence. Everyone stares at __**Jasmine**_]

Jasmine: [_sighs_] But, no-one said homework was easy, or enjoyable. So, who are your idols?

Bunsen: Idols? Oh, we like Wallace and Gromit, don't we, Beaker?

Beaker: Meep.

Jasmine: OK, why?

Axel: Oh, I see it now! One's stupid, optimistic and bald, and the other one's surprisingly smart but can't talk!

[_Everyone stares at __**Axel**__. __**Bunsen **__looks pretty mad_]

Jasmine: Usually I'd tell him off, but I'd say he's pretty accurate on this one. OK, next question-

Axel: [_interrupts_] Actually Jas, can I ask a question now?

Jasmine: Sure.

Axel [_To __**Bunsen **__and __**Beaker**_] Beaker can't talk.

Jasmine: That's not a question.

Axel: Beaker can't talk?

Jasmine: Still not a question. You've just put a question mark at the end of a statement.

Bunsen: Quite right, and a false statement too. Beaker _can_ talk, just not any English.

Axel: What language does he speak?

Bunsen: How should I know?

Axel: Beakerese?

Bunsen [_laughs_] Good one, how about Beakerish?

Jasmine: Oh, brother. [_she face-palms_] Where has this conversation gone? Look, can we wrap this up? I've had enough foolishness. One more question, have you ever invented something and thought, '_I have no idea why I made this_' **(My sister's request!)**

Beaker: [_nods frantically_] Meep! Meeeeep!

Bunsen: Nothing springs to mind.

Jasmine: Right, well thanks.

[**_Axel _**_looks at her and flutters his eyelashes_]

Jasmine: What _now_?

Axel: Can I test the pills?

Jasmine: Oh, OK. But if anything goes wrong, I'm blaming it on y-

[_She's too late. __**Axel **__has downed two of the pills_]

Jasmine: I have a feeling this is going to go horribly wrong.

Bunsen: Can I practice what I have to say for the show?

Jasmine: [_looks bored_] Sure, go ahead.

[**_Bunsen_**_ straightens his tie and clears his throat_]

Bunsen: Dr Bunsen Honeydew here at Muppet Labs where the future is being made today.

Beaker: Meep!

Bunsen: Now, be honest with me friends, how often have you been teased at school or work for being too weak and weedy? 'Wouldn't it be nice…' you thought to yourself, 'If you could insert some artificial muscles?' Well, now you can! I have just invented a marvellous invention called Buff pills! Here to test them, is my new assistant, Mr Axel.

[**_Axel _**_walks on holding two pills and waves, grinning madly_]

Axel: Am I on TV?

Jasmine: No, and you've been on TV before you numbskull. It might go on YouTube…

Axel: Hi Mum!

Bunsen: Now Axel, slowly take those pills one at a time. Here's some water for you.

[_He hands __**Axel**__ a glass of water and turns to the camera_]

Bunsen: Now, by taking these pills, Axel here will no longer be called a chicken, because he is in fact…

Jasmine: A cow?

[**_Bunsen_**_,__** Beaker**__ and __**Jasmine**__ stare at __**Axel**__, baffled. __**Axel **__has indeed turned into a Friesian cow_]

Jasmine: A cow… A COW?!

Bunsen: Oh, the pills seem to have malfunctioned.

Jasmine: Malfunctioned?! You've turned my brother into a cow! A COW!

[**_Beaker _**_looks startled and scarpers. __**Axel **__the cow isn't bothered by his sister's panic_]

Bunsen: Miss Jasmine, please try to contain yourself, you're…you're on camera.

[**_Jasmine _**_is yelling now_]

Jasmine: I DON'T GIVE A STUFF IF I'M ON A STUPID CAMERA! YOU TURNED AXEL INTO A COW! YOU'D _BETTER_ HAVE AN ANTIDOTE! Oh, I just KNEW SOMETHING BAD WAS GOING TO HAPPEN!

Bunsen: Antidote? Oh, well let's see…I wasn't expecting to turn him into a cow, so an antidote may take a while…

Jasmine: _A while! _A WHILE! YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T GOT ONE?

Bunsen: Not exactly, no.

[**_Jasmine _**_is furious. She starts smashing up all the machinery in the room, breaking everything in sight_]

Bunsen: Um, that's all from Muppet Labs…oh, I say!

[**_Kermit_**_ hears the commotion and comes running_]

Kermit: What on earth is going on in here? Dr Bunsen, have you been magnifying bacteria again?

Jasmine: AXEL'S TURNED INTO A COOOOOW! AND IT'S ALL _HIS_ FAULT!

[_She points at Bunsen_]

Kermit: A cow? [_He spots __**Axel**_] Oh boy. [_To __**Bunsen**_] Isn't there anything you can do?

Jasmine: No, it's hopeless. _He's _hopeless. It's not fair!

[**_Jasmine_**_ starts crying. __**Kermit **__hugs her_]

Kermit: There, there. Now don't work yourself into a passion, we'll figure something out. Stuff like this always happens, but we always find some way out of it.

Jasmine: I'm done. I'm sooooo done; I'm not doing it anymore.

Kermit: What aren't you doing?

Jasmine: _This. _[_she gestures around_] I'm giving up on this dumb interviewing lark.

**Oh, I wouldn't be so sure about that, Jasmine. Sorry, this chapter was meant to be funny and I got carried away. I'll find some way to bring Axel back in the next chapter because next time, it's the interview you've all been waiting for (probably) Kermit and Miss Piggy!**


	12. Kermit and Miss Piggy

**Hey, so Axel's back to normal in this chapter (don't ask me why, I haven't a clue). They probably cured him by milking him or something (though that would be milking it!) This is the final interview and the penultimate chapter because the last one will be an outroduction from the two.**

[**_Jasmine _**_and __**Axel**__ are in a room with __**Kermit **__and __**Miss Piggy**_]

Jasmine: [_To camera_] OK, I've been persuaded to do just _one_ more interview, because it's the last one and it's kind of a biggie. [_To __**Axel**_] I still think this is going to go wrong.

Axel: What's the worst that could happen?

Jasmine: Don't say that. You know what'll happen, you'll say that, and then Gonzo will ride his motorbike through a window or something.

[**_Axel _**_giggles_]

Jasmine: Well if anything goes wrong, I'm-

Axel: Blaming it on me, yeah, yeah, I know.

[**_Miss Piggy _**_looks impatient_]

Miss Piggy: Can we get this thing started already?

Jasmine: [meekly] Yes, Mum. So first, introductions.

Kermit: Well, I'm Kermit…the Frog.

Miss Piggy: And I'm Miss Piggy, kissy, kissy!

Axel: Also known as, our Mum and Dad!

[_He mimes being surprised_]

Jasmine: It's not much of a surprise, considering that we mentioned it at the beginning.

Axel: I guess.

Jasmine: But anyway, what are your roles in the Muppets?

Kermit: Well, I think that it's fair to say that I'm the leader, don't you?

[**_Jasmine _**_nods_]

Kermit: I formed this group at first in 1979.

Jasmine: That was a good movie.

Axel: Shame we weren't there to see it happen in real life.

Jasmine: Touché. And Mum, what about you?

Miss Piggy: Well, naturally I'm the love interest…

[_She puts her arm around __**Kermit**_]

Miss Piggy: But as far as the show is concerned, I'm the glamorous one, the fabulous one, the one that's amazing at singing…

Axel: Too bad you're not the modest one!

[**_Miss Piggy_**_ shoots her son a glare_]

Jasmine: Shut up, Axie, what fun is it being so amazing if you can't brag about it?

Axel: Alright, alright, moving right along **(Couldn't resist!) **let's talk about early life.

Miss Piggy: Please don't!

Kermit: Well, in my case at least, there's not much to tell. I was born in a pond in Mississippi, I met an agent guy in a canoe, he said I had talent, and then I went on an adventure to get to Hollywood.

Jasmine: Wow…that is boring.

Kermit: Hate to say I told you so.

Axel: Don't then. Alright, I have another question; I think it's safe to say you two are normal.

Miss Piggy: [_nods_] I would agree with that.

Axel: Do you like working with weirdos?

Miss Piggy: Not particularly…

Kermit: I'd say it's pretty fun. Certainly not boring.

Miss Piggy: True, anything to be with my frog.

Jasmine: Aww, sweet.

Axel: Yuck!

Jasmine: Quiet you. My turn to ask a question. So as our Mum and Dad, everyone would assume that you two are married, but having seen from the movies that-

Axel: You can't Kermit! [_roars with laughter_] Commit! Kermit! Get it?

Jasmine: It'll be you who'll _get it_ in a minute! [_To __**Kermit **__and __**Miss Piggy**_] I'll cut straight to the chase, are you two married?

Kermit: [_immediately_] No.

Jasmine: No?

Kermit: No. And I can't guarantee that it will ever happen.

Miss Piggy: Oh, I wouldn't say that.

Kermit: I would.

Jasmine: But even after you've had two kids, you're still not married?

Miss Piggy: I have tried long and hard, but Kermie will not be persuaded.

Axel: I guess he can't-

Jasmine: Shut up! You've already told that joke and no-one laughed.

Axel: Oh yeah, but wait! Back to the topic of you two, aren't you already married from what happened in the movie '_Muppets Take Manhattan_'?

Kermit: Oh, please don't bring that up.

Jasmine: But Dad, you can't just pretend it never happened.

Kermit: I can and I will.

Miss Piggy: That's ridiculous! Whether you like it or not, you have to admit that my plan did work then, and we are officially wed!

Axel: Oh God, what have I started?

Jasmine: [_To camera_] For those of you who don't know, in 1984, as part of the show, Mum tricked Dad into secretly marrying her by making him think it was part of the show. It inevitably didn't end well.

[**_Jasmine_**_ and __**Axel **__look up, __**Kermit **__and __**Miss Piggy**__ are shouting at each other_]

Jasmine: [_shakes her head_] I just knew something bad was going to happen.

[**_Jasmine _**_is too tired to fly into a proper temper, so she just walks away_]

Axel: Jasmine! Jas, wait!

[**_Axel _**_decides to take matters into his own hands_]

Axel: STOP SHOUTING!

[_There is silence_]

Axel: I'm a teenager, that's my job.

**Sorry it took me so long, but I couldn't really come up with anything.**


	13. Outroduction

**It's the FINAL CHAPTER! Diddle dee dee! Diddle- OK, sorry I couldn't resist. But this chapter will be set out like the first one so in case you have a sieve-memory, remember that Jasmine is in italics and Axel is in normal.**

So Jas, we've finally made it to the end. What have you learned?

_Never to trust you with anything._

Fair enough. And _I've_ learned that you shout waaaaay too much.

_You're not much fun as a cow._

And I've learned that you're a lot fiercer than I thought.

_Yeah, we've discovered a lot about each other. And ourselves._

But you're still as nerdy as ever. Anyway, that's not what we're here to discuss. We're supposed to talk about what it's like living with the Muppets.

_Well when I started, I thought I loved it, but now that we've got into scrapes involving mad scientists,_

Crazy band members,

_A weirdo who fired himself out of a canon,_

And the worst problem of all, family drama!

_He, he, true. So I'm not so sure about this Muppet place, its fun, but a bit full-on. I just wish it could be more normal sometimes._

Whereas I've had the opposite effect

_Convenient._

Quite, I used to think this place was a stupid waste of time and couldn't wait until I got out of here. But now I realise I wouldn't see myself anywhere else. It's my home, my family, it's who I am.

_Now who's being cheesy!_

Shush! Well I think we'd better wrap this up. Any final thoughts or moral lessons, Jasmine?

_Yeah, where you live is who you are. And your family and friends are different versions of yourself. You can't change them, and hating them won't get you anywhere. The best thing to do is to love it and don't hide it. That way you'll love yourself._

Someone pass me the sick-bucket!

_Why you little…!_

**And that's the end! I hope you enjoyed, I know I did. Had to end on a joke, I couldn't resist. But anyway, I think I'll miss this fanfic, until I immerse myself in another one!**

**See you soon.**


End file.
